Being a parent teaches you a lot about friendship. Going into it, there was a natural fear, a concern that some friends would disappear as the baby absorbed our time and our attention.
Eight months down the line and I know I was right, to an extent. Some friends did vanish, but you know what? I’m OK with that because the ones that are worth it have stuck around. Happily, the majority have surprised me with how keen they have been to see us and to wait for us to emerge from our newborn comas, whether they themselves have children or not. Now, as my final few weeks of maternity leave approach, I have a much clearer understanding of who my friends are. Plus I’m getting to the stage where I can seriously think about a night out with those mates, one which doesn’t involve singing lullabies or hushing another human to sleep.
Happily, aside from existing friendships, we have also found new, post-baby, friends. This week I held a birthday BBQ with some of our local pals and parents, and it was brilliant. The back yard was bulging to the point that we overflowed into the empty garden next door (cue the new owners coming to look around and measure up… (timing, right??) and I felt genuinely happy with ‘my crowd’.
Realising we have made local friends was a wonderful moment, particularly given how scared we were moving to a new area. Because of that fear, like many parents-to-be, Husband and I initially joined an NCT group. We were told it was the ideal way to discover parenting-pals. However, while our group turned up a few truly good eggs, we’ve developed even more bonds through our village’s local social network. Who knew Headcorn was the place to find like-minded mothers and fathers (by like-minded read kind, genuinely supportive and enjoy a good drink)? It’s the first time in my life I’ve experienced a true, personal, benefit from Facebook.
So now, sitting here after a village friend’s get together, and with at least one party to go to every weekend for the next month, I feel extremely lucky. Having a baby did vanquish some of my weaker friendships, but I’ve retained the ones that mattered and I’ve gathered new ones that I hope to keep for many years to come. What’s more, I have confidence that those relationships will lead to future friendships for our daughter as well.
To anyone going into this parenting ‘malark’ for the first time I recommend hitting social media to see if you have a similar local network worth tapping. And get yourself to nearby baby classes. Chances are that the closest class will be made up of people living in your area. Tracey Tunes has been an amazing source of fun (and colourful photos) for us and has led to many, many hours spent nattering with people in Costa during a post-class coffee.
Yes, do NCT, but go in with realistic expectations. Do not go in assuming you’re going to come out with seven best friends forever, because that’s unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely. Most important, just open yourself up to meeting new people, saying yes to trips out and joining in with local groups. Even a socially anxious person like me can meet people that way!
I don’t know if it’s being *cough* 33, or becoming a parent, but for the first time in a long time, I’m less anxious about making friends and keeping them (I know some might disagree, but they don’t know how bad I was before!!). The people I like, I like. The rest, and I have a couple of rotten eggs in mind, can sod off. It sounds a bit strong that, but I’ve spent too long worrying about people that aren’t worrying back. Since Nell, there’s no time for that. Nope… now all I have to worry about is meal times, nap times, nappies, outfit changes, weaning, childcare, money, cleaning, cooking, washing, education, her health, my health, teething, allergies…….
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The Honest Parent 