Girls who are boys, who like boys to be girls, who do boys like they’re girls…

Everyone..drum roll… I’m about to use a positive word in reference to this pregnancy…. Today I am 20 weeks, which means Tuesday is our 20 week scan. I am excited to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl, in part because it means I’ll no longer be asked this question: do you know what you’re having, do you have a preference?

I have to be honest, I think that question is a bit silly, okay, not the question itself, but the reaction to the response. Because, guess what? I do have a preference! It’s quite funny. When people ask and I say, a girl, I can predict the look of horror that will creep over their face. How can you say you actually prefer one over the other!??! I think this reaction means that I should have told them I don’t have an urge to have one over the other and that, no matter what it is, I will be super happy… that wouldn’t be very me though, would it?

Invariably, when I try to rationalise it they launch into all the reasons why having a boy would be just as good or even better. Why don’t you want a boy? Why, why, why? Think of all the amazing boy names there are! (sometimes I then have an extra half hour of random male names thrown at me, just in case a magical one changes my mind. I bat each back like Andy Murray circa 2016). Here’s a message, if you’re going to be upset by the answer, don’t ask the question, silly billy.

It’s clear I don’t have an adequate explanation, at least not one that has yet satisfied a questioner, yet still I am expected to give one. For this reason I have started to come up with some truly random responses. Most recently my reply was that I don’t like willies.

I have also said I don’t enjoy how women are treated by teenage guys, you only have to watch a single episode of Love Island to know that you don’t want to raise an Adam. I’ve answered that I think they’re messier and told them that I will find it easier to relate to female playtime; I know nothing about Transformers or WWW. I’ve even said that my infant boyfriend called me Toilet and it put me off boys for life. Unsurprisingly, every answer I give, the questioner has a counter argument. What should be obvious is that none of these is a proper or truthful explanation. I simply would prefer a girl. Can that be enough of an answer, please?

For those that have questioned me and remain concerned, though I admit I joked about it to push you horror buttons further, I will not be giving it away if it’s male. It will not be finding itself up for adoption or left on the steps of the local fire station (This Is Us reference for the fans), it will be loved, like or loathed, just as much as any spawn that I manage to grow in my uterus. I hope that reassures you.

So, as I said, I am quite excited though for Tuesday. The last time we had a scan I was so ill I couldn’t engage. Now I am four days puke free (everybody cheer please!) and I have cautiously stopped taking my medication. Here’s hoping the toughest times are past and I can go into months five and beyond with more of a smile on my face and a girl in my belly.

Yes, I’ll tell you what it is next week.